Tag Archives: child obedience

3 Disciplining Skills

3 Disciplining Skills:
A New School Approach to Discipline

Discipline: the Latin root word disciplina means both “teaching” and “learning.” (E.g., a disciple learns from a master who teaches.) If there is no learning occurring, there is no teaching occurring.
The Three Discipline Skills
We might say that a general goal of discipline is to teach children to care about themselves and others:  Cooperation,  Accountability, Integrity, Responsibility, and Empathy. New School Discipline rests upon the parent’s ability to dialogue and reach agreements where the child makes his/her own decisions.

Skill #1.Co-create (negotiate) clear agreements about two things:

  • Behaviors (Things you either want or don’t want your child to do.)
  • Consequences (Include positive and negative consequences.)
Skill #2. Hold the child accountable for breaking any agreements (the You-and-Me Dialogue).

  • Don’t let them off the hook for breaking their agreements. Rescuing children through inconsistency is a way of telling children they’re incompetent.
  • You-and-Me Dialogue: “How are going to treat each other?”
  • Support your partner’s decisions with the child. Discuss later if necessary.
Skill #3. Be the consultant.Don’t rescue, but help the child solve his/her own problem.

  • Be clear on who owns the problem. If the child does, not solve it; guide the child to solve it. This is like teach them to fish instead of giving them the fish.
  • Use a 4 or 5 step process to guide the child in solving his/her problem.
The Parent’s Commitment to Dialogue

In my New School approach to discipline, the parent negotiates agreements instead of imposing rules because a person–including children–will be more likely to cooperate when s/he has participated in setting his/her own limits and behavioral expectations. In and of itself, the dialogue process is Continue reading

Obedience or Responsibility?

Obedience or Responsibility? 

“Discipline” originally meant teaching/learning, in Latin (“disciplina”). Thus, the word disciple. So, your discipline system is teaching your children something, and they are learning something. Every relationship, and every family too, has some kind of a discipline system in place, whether the expectations (“rules”) and the consequences that flow from actions are spelled out clearly, or never discussed. Patterns of action and behavior develop and are repeated with much regularity, so that everybody kind of knows “what to expect,” even if the thing that’s expected is something like, “You never know what to expect.” That’s an expectation, isn’t it: “lack of consistency.” A discipline system with a lack of consistency can be called “confusing,” and if it’s really confusing over a long period of time, you could consider it to be “chaotic.”

Thus, whatever your approach to discipline is–confusing, chaotic, organized, clear, consistent, persistent–you are teaching your children something about your expectations and how you approach rewards and punishment for good and bad behavior. You might unknowingly be teaching them that “Mom and dad never notice anything good that I do, only my failures,” or perhaps, “Mom and dad actually notice and appreciate the good things I do.” In the final analysis, since the parents are the architects of their own Harmony House (or perhaps “DISharmony House”), your discipline system is constantly teaching your children about you, and about how you regard them.”

So the question arises, “Do you want to be teaching your children that you primarily want obedience from them, or that you primarily want responsibility from them?

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Controlling Child Behavior

Controlling Child Behavior

Controlling child behavior is a tricky business. It presents significant problems for parents, teachers, and everyone who works with children in any way whatsoever.

The problem we face is that children do not always want to do what we want them to. Age of the child has nothing to do with it. They too often just don’t like to be told what to do. And then we are faced with the challenge of what to do to get them to behave the way we want.

Obviously, there is no easy answer. We don’t have remote of their brain! So how is a frustrated parent supposed to approach the vexing topic controlling child behavior?

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