Category Archives: OLD & NEW SCHOOL PARENTING

Rate Yourself on 25 Examples of New School Parenting

Rate Yourself on 25 Examples of New School Parenting

Are you a “New School” parent? Or an “Old School” parent? Or somewhere in between? Rate yourself on my 25-example survey and find out. If you are pretty much stuck in the Old School ideas and parenting methods, there’s a good chance you are — or will have — trouble like conflict or defiance from a strong-willed or angry child. Check it out.

Click here: Rate Yourself on New School Parenting -25 Examples

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3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony is my book  that describes in detail the differences between the Old School Parenting model and the New School Parenting model.  Please see these links if you are interested in more information or wish to purchase.
     Learn more.    Buy Now.   Table of Contents & Intro

Old and New School Parenting

Old and New School Parenting

In this category I have posted numerous articles describing the differences between my Old School model of how to be a parent, and my New School model of parenting.

The Old School model is not necessarily bad or wrong, but it is often ineffective, especially with strong-willed, resistant, out-of-control children. The Old School methods don’t seem to work well at all with these children, regardless of their age. The New School model offers an excellent alternative to the Old School model, and it is effective with all children, not just stubborn or defiant ones.

You will find a difference in the four basic operational principles of each model, as well as a wide variety of “new” techniques to use (see the category “9 Key Parenting Skills”). Parent-child dialogue is the heart and soul of the New School approach to parenting, and this can be very effective with all children, even as young as two years.

Finally, the category “New School Discipline” presents a totally different approach to discipline from the one almost all of us were raised with. Before exploring those posts, I recommend that you become familiar with the posts in this category, “Old and New School Parenting.” You’ll see that it contains a lot of significant differences from the way your parents raised you, and the way you may have been trying to raise your own kids.

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3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony is my book  that describes in detail the differences between the Old School Parenting model and the New School Parenting model.  Please see these links if you are interested in more information or wish to purchase.

Learn more.    Buy Now.   Table of Contents & Intro

Dialogue: The Heart of New School Parenting

Dialogue: The Heart of New School Parenting

Parent-child dialogue is the heart and soul of my New School approach to how to be a parent. The love a parent has for a child is expressed and embodied in how the parent communicates with the child, even when the child is a newborn. Obviously, dialogue entails listening as well as talking, and it includes all non-verbal communication as well. There are many skills involved in having a good dialogue, and as parents we are illustrating and teaching them to our children in everything we say and do.

In the New School approach to parenting, we recognize and accept the fact that control of children’s behavior is a delusion. We cannot control our children’s behavior. (See my “Volcano Theory.”) They have free will. We do not have a remote control to their brain. They are not robots or slaves. They talk to us when they want to talk, not necessarily when we want them to talk.

Consequently we are convinced that we are better off not even trying to control their behavior through the Old School use of power and control tactics, like our parents used (yelling, ordering, bossing, threatening, punishing, spanking, hitting, grounding, etc). We recognize these as invitations to trouble. We acknowledge that the best we can get from our children, and what we really want from them, is their cooperation, based on dialogue and agreements, rather than their obedience to rules that we impose. If they don’t want to talk, we realize we cannot force them to.

Influence Does Not Equal Control

In the New School approach to parenting, we acknowledge that while we have absolutely no control over our children’s behavior, but only over our own, we also acknowledge that we have tremendous influence on our children’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior. We acknowledge that influence does not equal control. Continue reading

Our Three Biggest Parenting Challenges

Our Three Biggest Parenting Challenges

Parenting today is a real challenge for most parents–perhaps more so than it was for our parents. There are many reasons for that, and they can be summed up in the idea that this is a far more complicated world than the one in which our parents raised us.

Here are the three most difficult challenges I see for today’s parents.

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Old School to New School Shift, b

Old School to New School Shift, b

Parents wishing to change some of their Old School parenting habits to New School practices can get an overview of some of the main practices that characterize each of the two approaches to parenting by studying this one-page chart.

It shows the main day-to-day things that parents in each school do, and how they think, in each approach to how they parent. While it does not show all aspects of how to parent differently in the New School approach, it gives a clear idea of what the parent needs to do  in making the shift from Old School to New School ways of parenting, as well as some of “mid-level” techniques an Old School parent might use in order to make the chonscious shift away from Old School methods and toward New School methodsl..

Please click on the following link to view the chart.

                       Old School to New School Shift b

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3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony is my book  that describes in detail the differences between the Old School Parenting model and the New School Parenting model.  Please see these links if you are interested in more information or wish to purchase.

     Learn more.    Buy Now.   Table of Contents & Intro   

Old School to New School Shift, a

Old School to New School Shift, a

Parents wishing to change some of their Old School parenting habits to New School practices can get an overview of the main priciples that characterize each of the two approaches by looking at this chart. It shows the four functional principles that guide parents’ behavior almost all the time in each system. While it does not show all aspects of how to parent differently in the New School approach, it gives a clear idea of what needs to be done in making the shift from Old School to New School ways of parenting.

Please click on the  following link to view the chart.

Old School to New School Shift a

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3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony is my book  that describes in detail the differences between the Old School Parenting model and the New School Parenting model.  Please see these links if you are interested in more information or wish to purchase.

     
Learn more.    Buy Now.   Table of Contents & Intro

Parenting Styles

Parenting Styles

Many authors refer to various parenting styles, and some have their own unique styles (for example John Gottman). Most authors, however, describe some variation of three general styles of parenting. These are: authoritarian, permissive, and balanced.

The authoritarian style is one in which the parent is strict, definite about setting limits for children, and “rules with an iron fist.” This style is considered autocratic in that the parent tends to be heavy-handed in making decisions for the children, and leaves relatively little room for child decision-making.

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Dialogue: 3 New Family Agreements

Dialogue: 3 New Family Agreements

I’m a firm believer that good discipline rests on good dialogue. If a family’s discipline system is not based on mutual respect and the ability of parents and children to openly and honestly express themselves, and be heard by each other, then there will be problems–and possibly serious problems. The “Old School” style of parenting relied on children’s obedience and conformity to parental wishes–period. But that often doesn’t work well any more.

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Cooperation or Obedience?

Cooperation or Obedience?

NOTE: This piece is written from the Dad’s perspective.
It can just as appropriately be read from the Mom’s perspective.

If you as a parent are confident enough, you might speak to your child along the following lines – at any time, really, but especially during the You-and-Me Dialogue, when you have a conversation with the child about how the two of you treat each other.

“My strongest desire is for you to be growing as a person, to be responsible, caring, and cooperative.

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Cooperation or Resistance?

Cooperation or Resistance? 

 Three things are necessary in order for cooperation between people to happen.

Three Components of Cooperation

1. The individuals must have a common goal that they explicitly or implicitly agree to work toward.

2. In addition, they must perceive each other as having a certain degree of strength or power to contribute to the

undertaking. In other words, mutually perceived power is a necessary ingredient. Of course, this can include the power to make things go wrong, as well as the power to contribute to success.

3. Finally, they must have a certain amount of trust in each other, that they will not be taken advantage of, that the other(s) will carry their fair share of the load, etc.

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