How Parents Invite Trouble
Note: I am indebted to Thomas Gordon, MD, for so clearly identifying in his wonderful book Parent Effectiveness Training the following (and other) forms of parental communication that cause problems with children. He calls them “the typical twelve.” I have modified a few of them, left some out, and added some below.
How Parents Invite Anger and Defensiveness in Children Without Even Knowing It.
The following common methods that parents instinctively use to confront unacceptable child behaviors are exactly what the parent should NOT do. These are invitations to trouble. They are likely to be felt as an assault by the child, which then compounds the frustration and anger the child might already be feeling.
These everyday forms of parental communication are “power and control tactics” aimed at making a child do something. They are almost always experienced as attacks by children. (They are also felt as attacks by adults, too, when adults are spoken to in these ways.) They are disrespectful ways of talking. If the child is already upset or frustrated,