Controlling Child Behavior

Controlling Child Behavior

Controlling child behavior is a tricky business. It presents significant problems for parents, teachers, and everyone who works with children in any way whatsoever.

The problem we face is that children do not always want to do what we want them to. Age of the child has nothing to do with it. They too often just don’t like to be told what to do. And then we are faced with the challenge of what to do to get them to behave the way we want.

Obviously, there is no easy answer. We don’t have remote of their brain! So how is a frustrated parent supposed to approach the vexing topic controlling child behavior?

The way most of us approach it is to do what we learned from our own parents, or if we have had the benefit of some training or schooling, to try things that the experts have taught us.

Mountains of literature have been written for parents, teachers, and others on the subject of controlling children’s behavior. A lot of it is pure baloney.

My approach to controlling child behavior is very simple: you can’t do it. It’s impossible. (See my Volcano Theory.) So stop trying. Drop all forms of power and control tactics that aim at getting a child’s obedience to your rules.

Instead, aim at getting your child’s cooperation. How to get a child’s cooperation is what this website is all about. I call my approach to parenting “New School” parenting. It aims at teaching parents better relationship skills. It’s effective, even with strong-willed and defiant kids, as hundreds of mothers and fathers in my parenting classes will attest.

My ideas are based on forty-plus years of working with parents, children, and families as a therapist, educator, and coach. I also draw on my own experience as a step-father, as well as my own experience in my personal relationships with other children and adults.

I invite you to read my articles on Old and New School parenting, and my articles on the key relationship skills that parents (and others) need to get children to cooperate. You’ll find that they make sense.

I’m putting my ideas together in my forthcoming book (and ebook) titled 3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony: A New School Approach to Getting Your Child’s Cooperation.

The articles on my website ( are the basis of the book. I’ve been writing these artuckes since 2004, when I started teaching parent education classes and coaching parents on how to manage their children’s behavior.

You’ll find here plenty of  new and practical ideas that you can use within your own value system and parenting goals. And who knows? Some of those ideas might even challenge you to reconsider some of your values and life-long habits in dealing with kids.


3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony is my book  that describes in detail the differences between the Old School Parenting model and the New School Parenting model.  Please see these links if you are interested in more information or wish to purchase.

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