Please click on this link Handout List to view the contents of the course “Calming the Explosive Volcano.”
You will notice that the hand outs are divided into three sections:
1. Old School and New School Parenting;
2. Listening and Other Relationship Skills for Parents;
3. Use Listening to Co-create Agreements.
Listening is the only way help calm an erupting volcano, hard as it might be. The real value in using the listening skills/techniques presented in this course and the hand outs is that they empower the parent to reach agreements about how the child will behave the next time s/he becomes frustrated and would ordinarily fly into a rage, a tantrum, or angry meltdown. You can’t put the cork back in the champagne bottle once is bubbling over, and you can’t reason with a child during an explosive eruption. But you CAN use the parent’s “magic wand” (listening skills) help the child think through his/her problem and come to an agreement with you about a better way to deal with a frustrating situation the next time it occurs. This can be done with children as young as two years and adults as well.
For a detailed presentation of the 9 key relationship skills needed in all healthy adult-adult or parent-child relationships, see the details of my book, 3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony.
I define self-control as the ability to select an appropriate response to a feeling or thought from among a number of possibilities.
If you accept the assumptions (and conclusions) of the Volcano Theory, and if you accept that control over another’s behavior is a delusion (a belief falsely held), then how are you to “manage” or “govern” your child’s behavior? How are you to “get” him or “make” him do the right thing, or do what you want him to do, or behave the way you “need” him to behave?
The answer to these questions is really quite simple. You can’t. So the best thing to do is to stop trying to do the impossible.
What?!? Stop trying to make your child do the right thing?
Then what about the child who never picks up her toys? What about the toddler running blindly into the street? Or hitting her mother? Or biting her brother? What about all her unacceptable behavior at school, or in the neighborhood, or in your home? What about your teenager stealing, or fighting, or cheating, or cursing?
Again, you’ll stop trying to make her do the right thing. You might think I’m crazy. So, what am I talking about??