Tag Archives: New School

3 Disciplining Skills

3 Disciplining Skills:
A New School Approach to Discipline

Discipline: the Latin root word disciplina means both “teaching” and “learning.” (E.g., a disciple learns from a master who teaches.) If there is no learning occurring, there is no teaching occurring.
The Three Discipline Skills
We might say that a general goal of discipline is to teach children to care about themselves and others:  Cooperation,  Accountability, Integrity, Responsibility, and Empathy. New School Discipline rests upon the parent’s ability to dialogue and reach agreements where the child makes his/her own decisions.

Skill #1.Co-create (negotiate) clear agreements about two things:

  • Behaviors (Things you either want or don’t want your child to do.)
  • Consequences (Include positive and negative consequences.)
Skill #2. Hold the child accountable for breaking any agreements (the You-and-Me Dialogue).

  • Don’t let them off the hook for breaking their agreements. Rescuing children through inconsistency is a way of telling children they’re incompetent.
  • You-and-Me Dialogue: “How are going to treat each other?”
  • Support your partner’s decisions with the child. Discuss later if necessary.
Skill #3. Be the consultant.Don’t rescue, but help the child solve his/her own problem.

  • Be clear on who owns the problem. If the child does, not solve it; guide the child to solve it. This is like teach them to fish instead of giving them the fish.
  • Use a 4 or 5 step process to guide the child in solving his/her problem.
The Parent’s Commitment to Dialogue

In my New School approach to discipline, the parent negotiates agreements instead of imposing rules because a person–including children–will be more likely to cooperate when s/he has participated in setting his/her own limits and behavioral expectations. In and of itself, the dialogue process is Continue reading