Tag Archives: motivation

The Volcano Theory

THE VOLCANO THEORY:

 BEHAVIOR MOTIVATION  AND ITS IMPLICATIONS

What is it that motivates the unacceptable behavior we see in children? In any given situation, there may be many things that play into it. Still, there is one simple and really obvious explanation for all unacceptable child behavior–and indeed, for all behavior in all people at all times.

The Motivations for All Behavior

Think about your own reason for doing the last thing you did or said. Why did you do or say it? You might come up with any number of reasons, all of which are valid answers to the question. However, I propose that when you think about your reasons, there will be one inescapable conclusion. No matter what your various reasons are for doing or saying what you last did, we can classify all of them under one or both of two headings: 1) what you were thinking at the time, and/or 2) how you were feeling at the time.

I’m saying that no matter what you did or said, two minutes ago or two years ago, in any situation, your motivation can always be attributed to your thoughts and/or feelings at the moment. Although the specific thoughts you may have at any moment are infinite in variety, and your feelings (emotions) can be many and complex, the truth remains: you do what you do because of your thoughts and feelings at the moment you act.

This is true for all people, at all times, in all situations.

By “thoughts” I mean any cognitive or mental processes that take place upstairs, in the brain. This includes ideas, mental images, Continue reading

Listening Skill #1: Acknowledging

Listening Skill #1: Acknowledging

“You can attract more flies with a spoonful of honey than a barrel of vinegar.” Anonymous

This old saying illustrates a profound truth: a little kindness goes a long way. Kindness is a lot more effective than bitterness. This idea applies to many aspects of life, but to none more so than relationships.

There is no better way to build or strengthen a relationship than by listening to another person, including a child. When anyone speaks, it is for the purpose of being heard, or listened to, including a child. Acknowledging is the first and simplest way of conveying to another person, including a child, that you are in fact listening. And conveying that simple fact is, by itself, strong encouragement for the child to keep talking. And this is what you want, if you accept the idea that listening is 90% of communication–or at least that listening is critically important to effective communication.

What Does “Acknowledging” Mean?

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