Tag Archives: agreement

Expressing Anger

Expressing Anger

THREE TECHNIQUES FOR COMMUNICATING WHEN ANGRY

When you are angry or frustrated, it’s almost impossible to NOT communicate those feelings.

So you might as well do it constructively, and increase the chances of relieving your tension as well as making things better with the other person.

You will automatically be expressing yourself non-verbally through body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. So do it right. Here are three things that will help you control the expression of your angry feelings in a way that is not only non-threatening to others, but also constructive in the sense that you and your child will be able to benefit from your anger.

Continue reading

Parent-Child Harmony: Influencing the Child to Change

Parent-Child Harmony:
Influencing the Child to Change

How the Parent Influences the Child to Change

In a different article I described the dynamics of harmony in music as an example of why the parent must be the first to change when parent and child are in conflict, or discord. In another article, I explained why the parent — not the child — must be the one to change first in these conflictual situations.

This is a radical departure from normal parenting behavior (yelling, demanding, arguing) because it constitutes a “backing off” by the parent from the discord and conflict of the moment. Rather than giving a misbehaving or angry child a “time out” or a tongue lashing, the parent gets “in harmony” with the child’s upset feelings and desires at the moment not by getting angry or yelling, but by empathically moving into harmony with child by being aware that “there’s disharmony here.” Thus the parent elevates the interaction to a higher level by backing off from the war of wills through empathic attention. Then the parent takes the time-out to think things over and plan the next steps, and what s/he is going to do and say.

Now I want to describe the next steps a parent can take to influence the child to make a change.

Continue reading