Harmony in Music and Relationships

Harmony in Music and Relationships

In music, two or more notes harmonize when the wave lengths of their respective vibrations are compatible and produce a pleasing sound. You do not have to be a musician or mathematician to know when they are discordant–they are not compatible, and they are not in harmony. They don’t sound good together. There’s nothing wrong with either note, of course. They are equally good and legitimate notes. They just don’t sound pleasing to the ear when played together. You could say they are “fighting” each other.

So too in a relationship. Two people who are not on compatible  “wave lengths” could be said to be discordant, or fighting each other in some way. Add a third person who is not on the same “wave length” either, and you’ve got a real mess.

Discord in the Parent-Child Relationship

Continue reading

Parent-Child Harmony

Parent-Child Harmony

 In music, harmony is a major factor. Two or more different notes are heard at the same time, and together they produce a pleasing sound. That’s harmony.

A chord consists of at least three different notes heard simultaneously. If two or more notes are not in harmony with each other, the notes are considered “discordant,” and are usually heard as a sound that is stressed. It might be tolerable, even a pleasant sounding stress, or it might be intolerable, and quite unpleasant.

The point is that each of the notes retains its own distinct and individual sound. It is different from all the others. And it either fits nicely with the others, or causes a stressed, discordant sound. Often, all it takes is for one note to change slightly and the discordant sound instantly becomes pleasingly harmonious.

I speak of harmony in relationships in much the same way. Two or more persons in relationship to each other are distinct individuals, and retain their individuality no matter what. If they get along well with the others, they are “in harmony,” and if they don’t, they are stressed or discordant.

Like the individual notes in pleasing harmony, the individual persons in harmonious relationships blend together and create beautiful sounds that no one of them could make alone. In stressed or discordant relationships, the individual persons retain their individuality, but they are fighting each other instead of blending together in harmony. Often, all it takes is for one person to change slightly and the discord instantly becomes pleasingly harmonious.

No matter who it is in your family that you are not in harmony with, you can make that relationship harmonious by changing yourself in a specific–-but significant-–way. In that moment you consciously exercise your personal power by transforming a relationship of two discordant “notes” into one of pleasing harmony.

In a stressed or discordant parent-child relationship, the parent must be the one to make the change and get “in harmony” with the child. This doesn’t mean you start acting like the child. Please see my other articles in this section to get the details.


3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony is my ebook  that describes in detail the differences between the Old School Parenting model (power, control, and punishments) and the New School Parenting model (dialogue, agreements, and accountability). The ideas contained here represent a change from parenting harder to parenting smarter. They can transform a stressed parent-child relationship from conflict and arguments to one of cooperation and harmony. Please see these links if you are interested in more information or wish to purchase.

     Learn more.    Buy Now.   Table of Contents & Intro 

Parent-Child Harmony: Influencing the Child to Change

Parent-Child Harmony:
Influencing the Child to Change

How the Parent Influences the Child to Change

In my previous article, “Parent-Child Harmony & Harmony in Music,” I described the dynamics of harmony in music as an example of why the parent must be the first to change when parent and child are in conflict, or discord.

This is a radical departure from normal parenting behavior (yelling, demanding, arguing) because it constitutes a “backing off” by the parent from the discord and conflict of the moment. Rather than giving a misbehaving or angry child a “time out” or a tongue lashing, the parent gets “in harmony” with the child’s upset feelings and desires at the moment not by getting angry or yelling, but by empathically moving into harmony with child by being aware that “there’s disharmony here.” Thus the parent elevates the interaction to a higher level by backing off from the war of wills through empathic attention. Then the parent takes the time-out to think things over and plan the next steps, and what s/he is going to do and say.

Now I want to describe the next steps a parent can take to influence the child to make a change.

Continue reading