Violence in the Home Encourages Violence in the Street
How can physical punishment or beating my child now result in his/her bullying, beating, attacking, or killing someone on the street 10, 15 or 20 years from now?
1. Physically punishing (spanking, beating, whipping) a child teaches him that violence is how you solve problems with someone smaller or weaker than you are.
- The parent: “I’m hurting you because I love you.”
- The child: “If you can hurt someone you love, I can hurt someone I love, too.”
- If it’s okay to hit/hurt someone you love, it’s surely okay to hit/hurt someone you dislike or hate.
- If it’s okay to teach a child a lesson by hitting, s/he learns it’s okay to teach someone a lesson by hitting.
- If it’s okay to punish disrespect by hitting/hurting, s/he learns it’s okay to punish disrespect by hitting/hurting.
- What goes around, comes around. You get back what you give out.
2. Physical violence starts with crossing the boundary between my body and yours, between words and hands.
- Violence always starts with words.
- When using the words isn’t enough, and I stoop to physical contact, I have crossed the boundary.
- When I cross that boundary I am functioning on a more primitive level.
- And I’m teaching that this primitive method (violence) of solving my problem with you is okay.
- What is learned in the home will be acted out on the street, in the school, in the community.
3. Where does it stop?
- Physical violence always starts with words. We must learn to express anger verbally, and appropriately. We must teach our children to do the same.
- Once expression of anger crosses the boundary from the verbal to the physical between two people, it escalates: – The slap
– The shove
– The fist
– The club
– The knife
– The gun
- Once it has started, it leads to retaliation = payback = revenge = escalation.
- The only place to stop it is BEFORE IT STARTS. Prevention. Anger management. Self-control.
4. Only parents can put an end to violence in the home or in the community. Parents. Not police, politicians, prisons, gangs, block clubs, vigilantes, therapists, or other helping professionals and agencies. That’s because parents are the ones who have the smarts and experience and self-control to prevent violence in their own dealings and relationships.And, perhaps more important, parents are the ones who teach the next generation how to prevent violence by teaching their children how to handle angry feelings in constructive ways rather than by resorting to egotistic thinking and behavioral expression of anger with hands rather than the mouth.
3 Steps to Parent-Child Harmony is my ebook that describes in detail the differences between the Old School Parenting model (power, control, and punishments) and the New School Parenting model (dialogue, agreements, and accountability). The ideas contained here represent a change from parenting harder to parenting smarter. They can transform a stressed parent-child relationship from conflict and arguments to one of cooperation and harmony. Please see these links if you are interested in more information or wish to purchase.